Navigating the Sensitive Journey of Supporting an Adult Child in Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is one in which a partner uses patterns of control, manipulation, or harm—whether physical, emotional, psychological, or financial—to dominate the other person. These relationships are often marked by fear, isolation, and cycles of intimidation, making it especially difficult for someone to leave or seek help. Recognizing abuse and its effects is the crucial first step in providing meaningful support and guidance.

Leaving an abusive relationship is often a process, not a single moment. In fact, it typically takes a survivor seven attempts to leave their abuser. As parents, it’s crucial that we tread carefully. Being too pushy or demanding can sometimes backfire, causing our children to pull away or even defend their abuser. We must also understand that despite the abuse, our child may still love their partner deeply or feel trapped by fear or other constraints, unable to leave.
The most dangerous time for a survivor is often when they try to leave. This is why it’s so important for parents to offer support in a way that is consistent but non-intrusive. Maintaining open communication, providing helpful resources, and creating a safe space for your child are all key steps. The goal is to offer steady support, with the hope that over time, your child will find the strength and means to break free from the abusive relationship.
Every situation is different, and there’s no universal solution. What works for one family might not work for another. But by showing patience, understanding, and offering unwavering support, we can be a steady presence in our child’s life as they navigate the difficult journey toward safety and healing.
Supportive Actions What To Do:
- Reach Out for Help: Contact StrongHearts Native Helpline to get support, find local domestic violence programs, and safety plan ideas.
- Listen: Create a safe space where your loved one can talk openly without being judged.
- Respect Their Decisions: Remember that leaving an abusive relationship is complex, especially in close tribal communities.
- Help with Daily Needs: Offer specific help like watching children, giving rides, or providing a safe place to stay. Ask them regularly what they need.
- Support Cultural Healing: Connect them with traditional healing practices and tribal elders. Help find Native shelters or tribal victim services. Call StrongHearts Native Helpline for cultural resources.
- Plan for Safety: Work together on a safety plan with help from StrongHearts or a domestic violence program. Safety Plan Preparation
- Stay Patient: Remember that healing takes time. Provide steady support without pushing.
- Take Care of Yourself: Get support for yourself so you can keep helping your loved one.
- Share Resources: When they're ready, provide information about professional help.
Counterproductive Behaviors What Not To Do:
- Don't Criticize Their Partner: Speaking badly about their partner might push them away.
- Avoid Making Threats: Don't say things like "If you don't leave, I won't help you."
- Don't Rush Them: Pushing them to leave or take legal action too quickly can be dangerous.
- Keep Their Privacy: Let them decide who knows about their situation.
- Honor Tribal Connections: Remember that community and cultural ties are important in their choices.
- Never Blame: Don't suggest the abuse is their fault or that they could have prevented it.
- Let Them Lead: Support their choices instead of trying to take control.
Supporting an adult child in a domestic violence situation takes love, patience, and understanding. As parents, we want to encourage our children while respecting their right to make their own decisions. Instead of trying to control the situation, we can be there to offer support, share helpful resources, and provide a safe place when needed.
This delicate situation requires us to understand that abuse is complex, and that family, cultural, and community connections all play important roles. By showing compassion without judgment, offering consistent support, and being ready to help in practical ways, you can support your child as they find their own path to safety. Working together, and drawing strength from family and community, you can help your child move toward a future filled with healing and hope.